I fell today while I was running.
Is this an omen for my year? Well, if I wasn’t still writing 2025 on everything thanks to still being on holiday break, I would be nervous about 2026. Instead, I’m thinking it was a bit of an indicator of how the end of 2025 went.
The good news is, I’m fine. Better news, this old volleyball player still knows how to fall and slide (old habits never die, Coach Hasson and Coach Widdop!), so no injuries other than very wounded pride as I fell just as my neighbor was driving by. Thanks for stopping and checking on me, Joyce!
Even better news is that this is how my life has always been. My personality can be defined with gritted teeth and “I’m fines.” So, it is probably not a shocker to those who know and love me that I didn’t take Joyce up on her offer to help or even walk back to my house just a mere half a mile away. Instead, I straightened up, dusted myself off, and completed my 5-mile loop as I had planned.
I’ve fallen before, but not in a long time. There was an almost fall about 10 years ago as I turned a corner in town, my toe just nicking the corner of a sign’s support, set up for the town’s fall festival. I gritted my teeth through that one, catching myself epically as my arms flailed and my running partner yelled. I still remember my ragged breath as I realized I was out of control of my body, and I hate not being in control of my body. Another fall happened during this stupid stability ball class that ended with me launching my ball against the wall when I couldn’t stabilize without falling.
I know. I know. That’s some major control issues at 5 in the morning.
What was different about today was this was not a near miss or met with anger and frustration. Instead today, after totally and absolutely biting the dust, I gathered myself up, brushed myself off, and finished my workout.
On the rest of the run, I got to thinking about how a fall can empower and embolden a person. I decided today that I was going to show my balance who was boss, and it was with a sub-9-minute mile pace on a morning run.
Take that.
But sometimes you cannot grit your teeth and grind it out. You must know your limits (see how I have never taken another stability ball class), and the end of this year truly showed that I have to stand up for myself and my faith, dust myself off, and try again.
If you analyzed my TikTok feed, you would think that I’m on the verge of either a Nancy Meyers home makeover, a protein rich nutrition diet, or career burnout. The latter is less true than the former two (I have all the pictures down in our dining room, trying to curate the perfectly cozy Nina Banks feel from Father of the Bride and I did just grocery shop a hefty veggie and protein haul), but I am not necessarily burned out, but tired of falling down. Tired of fighting against who I really am, what I like to do, where I thrive, and how my faith is a huge part of that endeavor.
So here’s the great news, despite this crappy employment ecosphere, when I put out feelers, I had so many friends reach out and connect me to opportunities. Heck, I had recruiters reaching out about fundraising jobs (no thanks). There were plenty of interviews, but there was one shot in the dark that kept coming back to the top. I applied for it on LinkedIn of all places, which, again, in this economy is a risk, but I got an interview. And, in the same week, had a second. During that time, I felt at ease sharing my career path, as winding as it is. I felt strong during my interview, sharing what I was good at and what I am not. I stood up for myself and my family, thinking at one point that I may have committed career suicide by saying that my favorite job was for the Clinton Foundation in 2016, and that I am bigger picture rather than detail focused. I guess they liked that answer because on Monday, I’ll step into the HQ of Samaritan Ministries on their comms team, and I couldn’t be more excited.
But this didn’t come without extreme angst and anxiety. Thankfully, my faith played a huge role in not falling into a deep pit of despair during this rocky fall. On a particularly hard day, I cried in the car, determined to just go straight home to stretchy pants and my people. I was not going to go to my Bibie Study, but I did anyway. That night at the table, I sat there, fighting back tears to just grit my teeth and keep it all together. But that night, I couldn’t keep it together. That night I honestly asked for prayer for discernment, letting my group know how down I was. A text came the next day from one of the lovely ladies at my table just as I felt like I wanted to quit. That night too I was shown how a husband who believes in you and truly loves you can make everything better.
My other Bible Study this fall (I’m a bit of a junkie) was all about contentment, something I have fought for my whole life. I should {FILL IN THE BLANK ON EVERYTHING}: be skinnier, be smarter, be more successful, be more fun, be a better wife/mom/daughter/sister/friend. Fill in any word, and I thought I could grind it out and be better. This inevitably made me so discontent with pretty much everything that I was never satisfied, always striving but always just scraping by, because no one does their best work when you’re constantly comparing yourself to others.
Thank goodness for the Word of God and colleagues and friends who saw me, inevitably encouraging me to think bigger about my career, past tasks needing to be done and focus more on good to be done for people. Friends sent me connections to talk to, jobs to apply for, and prayed fiercely for me to (most likely) quit being such a weirdo and believe in myself.
Dust myself off after a fall, if you will.
So, if you’re a person of faith, could you whisper a prayer for me on Monday as I start this new journey? And, if you’re so lead, could you also pray that I continue to fall with the grace of an old volleyball player in front of a kind neighbor? Because I may have time to start something new, but I don’t have time for a broken hip.