There’s a trend on social media where an author or influencer writes to her younger self.
Dear 20-year-old me…it wistfully starts.
Well, lucky for me (and maybe for her!), I don’t have to write to the younger version of myself because I have a 20-year-old I can advise right before me. Our daughter, Anna, is 20 today.
You can go back into the archives of this space and find Anna’s birthday blogs from the time she turned double digits, to becoming a teenager, a driver, an adult. Anna is one of the original three farmgirls (arguably THE farm girl) from when I started writing. I turned 30 while I wrote this blog, just 10 years from her age now, and while I want to continue the birthday writing until it becomes weird or blogs become obsolete, sitting down with my girl this week made me see this somewhat cringey trend of younger self-reflection in a different light.
So, here it goes.
Dear 20-year-old version of me, Anna,
When I sit across the table from you, I can’t help but marvel at the fact that we have an actual adult in front of us. I think it’s because I vividly remember being your age, almost more than the early days of being your mom. I remember feeling very untethered, confused about who I was becoming, and worried about the future. The marvel about you is as I sit across from you, I only see confidence. Maybe you’re hiding it better than the 20-year-old me, but you have approached your decisions and life with confidence and decisiveness. Even when you seek our advice on things, you take it but decide on your own. Keep that confidence.
But like a good mom, a conversation with me wouldn’t be complete without some advice I want you to hold close. So in the spirit of the trend, here you go.
What I wish I could tell myself at 20, and I will now tell you, is that you know yourself best. You know where you want to go, want to do, and who you want to be. There will be times that you’ll look around and wonder if it’s right. You may even start to stray from your path. Know that who you are at your core is who you will always return to, so don’t try to fight it, hide it, or forget it. You are incredible, even when you feel like you might not be. You are YOU, even when someone is smarter, prettier, and better than you. You being YOU is more important, so hold onto that.
At 20 and for the next few years, I want you to feel free to go. Go on a trip. Go on a date. Go with your friends. Go home. Go try to find that job, that dream, whatever, just go. I have told all of you that there is a finite period of your life that you can just go without feeling the pressure of those around you. Know that we will support you wherever you want to go, and we will always welcome you if you just want to go home. Either way, just go (and send me a postcard).
Take care of your body. Protect it from the sun. Keep (or start!) your skin regimen. Wear your seatbelt. Exercise. Eat fruit and a salad once in a while. Drink water. Take a vitamin. Rest when you’re tired. Move when you’re not. I don’t need to tell you to use the good stuff on your hair, but keep that up! Know that this is the time that your metabolism is your friend. Your skin will never be as springy. You have the luxury of time to work out, walk around, play golf, get your hair done, and eat a leisurely lunch with some vegetables. Do these things now so that they won’t be such a shock to your system when you’re really an adult (speaking as your middle-aged mom with a middle-aged metabolism).
Finally, my 20-year-old version of myself, my Anna, I want you to hear me when I say that your life is only just beginning, so don’t be in a hurry. Allow yourself time to grow and enjoy where you are in the moment. We all love a list and milestones in this house but know that life doesn’t always have to adhere to where you thought you should be or want to be. Life comes and goes in waves of things planned and unplanned. Embrace it all. Keep strong on your goals, but know that no one will care if one falls short, changes, or gets achieved later than expected.
Anna Grace, being your mom has been my biggest blessing. When I started this journey, I didn’t realize that it would be the career path that I’m the most proud of and one that came with the least amount of onboarding and training. I didn’t get it all right all the time, but I hope you know how much I love you no matter what.
Happy 20th, my dearest darling daughter, the one who made me a mom.
Love,
Mom