When Joe turned 30, I was expecting Anna, due in just a few weeks.
When Joe turned 40, we had just had our twins a few months before.
Now Joe is 50, and THERE IS NO ANNOUNCEMENT other than:
Joe is 50 today!
Yep, you read that right, Farmer Joe, the featured character throughout this blog’s history as well as the main guy in my life is halfway to 100 today. While I wish we were whisking away to some exotic location to celebrate, we are celebrating in the way the everyman would: with a 4th-grade basketball game and pie. Who would want to be on an island when you have that on the docket?
Jokes aside, 50 years of Joe Webel is a monumental occasion. One that warrants more than pie and learning league basketball. Celebrating Joe as a human born to this earth is one thing, but celebrating Joe as the institution: the Dad Joke Extraordinaire, one with Phrases A-Plenty, the Pun-Lover, is a whole other ballgame (not the learning league kind).
So, I took it to our friends and loved ones. Each has experienced Joe in all of his glory at various stages of life, but all have learned and laughed and loved his turn of phrase and the delightful way he expresses it. Webelisms, if you will.
Joe, this is for you. Your friends and family have banded together and shared their favorites. Enjoy these, my beloved husband, because we have enjoyed reading and sharing them.
I’ll start:
On our first date, Joe took me to see Oceans 11 (yes, we’re that old). During a particularly crafty part of the plot, he leans over to me and says, “I love a good caper!” A caper? Who am I out with? A 75 year old?
Also, (sorry kids) every morning, as I come upstairs to get dressed from taking a shower, in a sleepy haze, Joe will say, “Excuse me, can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.” He then proceeds to laugh and ask me (every morning) when that joke will get old. Answer: 20 years ago.
From your dad:
A list of classic Webelisms:
Even a blind sow finds an acorn once in a while.
Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Careful is my middle name.
Not smart enough to pour pee out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel.
From your sister, Heather:
Happy 50th birthday 
to my 1st playmate, tormentor, protector, & friend. Lots of memories stand out, from getting pushed into a mud puddle (fortunate for me but unlucky for you, grandpa saw the whole thing), riding bikes on the gravel road when you got right in front of me & hit my tire & I flew through the air like Superman, but landed on my face and ended up with 2 black eyes( i think you did it on purpose but you felt really bad about it & had to ride really fast for reinforcements), trying to halter break a calf which ended up dragging me across the entire yard. You yelled “Why didn’t you let go?” & my reply was, “You told me NOT to let go”. My career as a cattleman was short lived probably because of this instance.
But, we also shared lots of good memories growing up together. Singing & dancing together as tots, sharing friends & small school experiences, late-night talks and now raising kids together. Big brothers are pretty special & I’m glad God gave me you. Enjoy your day! Love you lots!
From your baby sister, Jessica:
My favorite memory of Joe is how close we became when I moved to Champaign. Joe was quite a bit “older” than me, and we didn’t have that much in common until we both went to the U of I. From the moment I moved into campus, Joe was right there to help me every step of the way. He bought my parking pass, gave me a job cleaning his house, and introduced me to really nice people. He encouraged me to get involved on campus by joining a sorority and SAC. I also had a home away from home when I needed to get away from campus, do a load of laundry, or just decompress.
He really embraced the role of older brother, and we now had something in common that has bonded our relationship ever since.
From your daughter, Anna:
Anytime anyone walks in front of a car, “Light ’em up!”
Every time that dancing man on Facebook shows up, he shows us like it’s the newest, funniest things.
The countless late nights and early mornings we’ve spent at cow shows, working cows and doing what we love, and the privilege that I got to spend the first 10 years of my life being his “sidekick.”
From your daughter, Josie:
Calling Ball State Testical Tech.
After not winning the lottery (even though he didn’t even play), “Well, Josie, sorry. I guess we can’t send you to college.”
On the morning of her 18th birthday, “Well, you’re an adult now. Time to move out!”
From Amelia:
Whenever I say something about talking to Mr. or Mrs. Littrel, he says, “Did you literally talk to him/her?”
From your #1 son, Jack:
Taste the biscuits…
Don’t waller around.
Sup girl.
From Mary:
Whenever we get hurt, Dad says, “Well, I guess we’ll have to cut it off.”
From your youngest, Caroline:
Whenever we say that we’re hungry, he says, “Hi, I’m Joe. Nice to meet you!”
From your in-laws:
Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?
I’ll have the sampler platter.
Joe, we can recognize your laugh in a crowded gym. That’s not exactly a “Joe-ism,” but it is a true testament to your personality.
You came to our house in Oneida to speak with us about marrying Emily. After supper, Ted and you remained at the table for your serious conversation. I heard you very clearly, but our house drain was clogged, and I kept having to leave the table to throw water out the back door ala Granny Clampett. Luckily, you were not fazed by this activity and married Emily anyway.
As you discussed your wedding plans with our family, Rachel asked you what menu options you had for vegetarians. After a pause, your answer came: “Salad.” I’ve giggled about that ever since.
When you were first considering moving from Mahomet and New Horizon, you and Emily were concerned about finding a church where you’d feel both challenged and comfortable. “I’m not worried,” you said. “The kingdom of God is larger than one church.”
Years ago, you told us you liked living on Knox Road 300 North because you could look out your office window and see cattle. Now your office is in the basement, and sometimes you’ve looked out a window and seen cattle in your yard, so maybe that sentiment is less true nowadays. But with your camera system, you can see yours from your office. Or your kitchen. Or your car. We marvel at your ingenuity and the way you can maximize every situation.
You use your voice in so many good ways: Family leader, church leader, 4-H leader, FFA Foundation leader, Simmental organization leader. . .
We are always proud to say we’re your in-laws. May you and your voice continue to be a blessing.
From family and friends (I had a secret Facebook group!)
Mat and Marci:
You can call me anything, but don’t call me late for dinner!
Looks like the officials tonight are a couple of old guys…and his dad.
Doug (with agreement from Katey):
Webel kids, 10-minute warning!
Erica and Brad:
That’s what she said.
Bend over and I’ll show you!
Brian:
“It’s raining like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock.” I thought of others but not appropriate for the public.
It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt and has to go to Carle.
Stay in bed with Ag Ed.
I’ve got many stories that involve Joe. All fun and remind me of a lot of laughs and brotherhood over the years. To this day I can’t not think of Joe every time I hear a Mariah Carey song. That semester living in The Pub he’d dance in front of his closet listening to her. Thank goodness he was student teaching that semester and we only had to listen to it for a few weeks. He’s a friend to many and a darn good guy. Happy birthday my friend. Enjoy the next 50!
Emily and Jeff:
“It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’m wearing milk bone underwear!” Love ya, Joe!! Wishing you the Happiest Birthday ever!!! Jeff and I are so thankful for your friendship!
Mrs. Blum (Shauna):
Regarding ripped jeans…
“Did you get those for half price?”
“Are those your holy jeans for church?”
“Did you lose a fight to a bear?”
Holly (and John):
Favorite Joe Webel joke, from our SAC days: “Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.”
From your wife:
To my friend, Joe Webel (as you sign in all of your cards for all occasions),
Remember when 50 seemed so old and like it was a really, really long way away?
Well, it isn’t that old and here we are.
I’m happy to have spent nearly half of your 50 years together, learning how to be a team, raise our tribe and watch you do it all with thoughtful consideration and a side of humor. Our life plan that you laid out for me (remember that silent car ride) has taken all sorts of twists and turns. However, with each obstacle, we have approached it together and weathered it “like a good caper.” Because in the end, it’s you and me, my friend. We are in it together, bro.
My prayer for the next 50 years with you is that you will always keep your pragmatic approach to life, that you will continue to meet the weird stuff thrown at us with humor, and that you will always ask to borrow my towel in the morning.
I love you, Joe Webel. Happy birthday.
Your friend,
Em